This work in you..

This blog will minister to those back-to-work moms.. moms who loved their time at home, and for whatever reason, now re-join the out-of-the-house workforce..with reluctance, reservations yet aspirations.. Hopefully, along the way, you'll find a place here. You'll find that we can be friends, hold hands, encourage one another.

I know I feel ..hesitation to go back. I mean, I have to go. It's a financial thing. The number coming in just has to get bigger. You know, when parts of you try to take out other parts of you, resulting in three emergency surgeries.. well, someone has to pay the piper. Or rather, the doctor. (You'd think I could get a punch card or something. You know , buy two, get one free) You can read those details here.

It's not like I'm not excited to teach again. I am. I am so thankful to have found a job when others haven't. And all that.
It's just, well. At the risk of sounding like a forlorn 6th grader, I'm just not, um, fitting in anymore. I mean, I'm not the driven-always-worked-and- wanted-to, and now I'm not a SAHM.Some people do not exactly understand- one of my working friends said "Great! Now you can get back to your field!". As if raising children and homeschooling had nothing to do with teaching. She didn't understand my torn feelings. It's not good or bad, she just doesn't feel this way. One of my SAH friends accused me of leaving my children so I could pay for a "snotty private school." I actually did set her straight about exactly why I am returning and how much is owed. (Apparently, my other friend can stay home while her kids go there, no problem. whatever.)I don't want to lose my friends. But I know I can't be the only one who feels like this.. Most of my friends SAH, but many are trickling back this year. And they have the same look I do.

I want to bring this word, which came to me as I was changing the sheets on the bed..( I am sure that Elijah would have typed those very words were he here today :)) I was "wanting". I want to stay home. I want to pick up and drop off.I want to be a great teacher. I want to be a great leader. I do not want to fall on my face.. I want to know what this will be like.... I want.. I want..In all the wanting, I couldn't shake the word work. I was obsessed with it. Would this work? Could I work? What would happen at work? All extrinsic, that work. Around me, outside of me...

And then this scripture..
Philippians 1:6
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.." There is nothing in that scripture about me, that doesn't come from Him. And I knew, in that moment, as the sheet settled onto the bed, He was working in me. He would work in my children. He would create the work in me, to His satisfaction. And it would be good. I really could give it to Him. He really would work it out. Until its completion.
Soak that in. Take that in. He who began isn't stopping. He's still going. You are not over. You are not finished.This is not the end. No, you won't be the same. You'll be better.
Will it hurt? Believe it. Will you fail? Sometimes. Will He fail? NEVER. Will He always love you? Absolutely.